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I had to hear his voice, see how our conversation was good flow, dead air time, his language, etc.. How he is on the phone was a good indication to me in how he would be in person. I'm sure sometimes it was just nerves so I didn't get an accurate picture of who he is "offline", but if we stalled in conversation or he just didn't seem the same guy I had emailed..
I would end communication then. I met my husband online. He spoke little English and our phone conversations were about 10 minutes each time he called. But the emails were great. Face to face was even better. I'm quite happy I looked beyond those few bad phone calls. I do not speak on the phone to people I've met online prior to meeting face to face. I don't speak to people I know in real life on the phone, so why would I speak to people from the internet on the phone either?
But seriously, I have met quite a few people from the internet, and the vast majority of the time, if we spoke at all on the phone in advance, it would be something to the effect of, "OK, I'm here, where are you, oh, yeah I see you, bye. If you're not into text messaging, this may not be relevant to you. I don't talk on the phone though. Most of the time I have spoken to the person I've met over the phone before the first meeting - but that happens when it's at that stage where we are going to meet, we just haven't yet.
I have had guys want my number within the first 5 minutes of online conversation and get offended when I don't give it right out.
THAT I am uncomfortable with. My now-wife figured out how to ICQ me, logged on and said, "ok, so where you wanna meet? Honestly, people are going to say "do it" or "don't do it," but I think the only way to know is to try both ways.
Also, when I used to do online dating, it just depended on the person and our email chains. Sometimes it seemed like a phone call was in order, sometimes setting up a date via email was.
Try to talk to someone first; if it goes horribly, don't do it the next time. Or, do, if it seems right. He never used my number, but still Personally, I do prefer at least a brief phone chat before we set up a date, but this is a your-mileage-may-vary thing.
It's a second step when it comes to feeling each other out, seeing whether there's a "there" there or whether you'd just end up awkwardly talking about the weather for a couple hours and each of you wishing the night would hurry up and end. I've done the online dating thing on and off for a bit. I'm not a phone person AT ALL looking at my call logs, I've had one personal call in the past 4 days, but a bajillion texts. I've always happened to have a phone conversation before meeting in person anyone I've met online.
Sometimes it's a super brief confirmation "hey, just making sure still on tonight at 8, see you then" , sometimes it's sorta planned in that "ok, this is the next step 'up' from email," way. If it weren't to happen before we met at [wherever], I probably wouldn't notice. I'm in the "talk first" camp. I need to make sure the guy doesn't sound like Erkel or something before we go out and if he can handle a 15 minute or so phone conversation, I'm usually pretty confident that we'll have a nice chat on the date.
I have actually decided not to go out with men based on awkward phone conversations generally more than one though. I'll allow for some nervousness the first couple of times but if there's too much dead air after that, it usually spells disaster.
This could of course explain why I'm still single. If phone calls seem awkward to you, offer to IM instead. Conversation on the fly is a good gauge of your ability to relate to each other. I've had great conversations with people on the phone that I had no chemistry with in person and vice versa where you are practically drunk off being in the person's presence, but have nothing to say on the phone.
People thrive personality-wise in different media Weird is a subjective characteristic based on the individual, much like attractiveness or sense of humor. Back when I was internet dating, I always got their phone numbers and asked them out via phone if things seemed to be going well online. I guess it's just what you're more comfortable with. But I have a sneaking suspicion that it's more "proper" to speak with them over the phone, whatever that means.
Also, I am actually quite surprised at all the people here saying that a phone call isn't necessary. Maybe I'm just "old fashioned. I have never talked to a guy on the phone before going on a date -- I think part of my thought process is that, though it seems silly, by the time I get to the phone stage, I actually feel uncomfortable telling someone that I don't want to go out with them, so I might as well go straight to the date.
My preferred method is emails followed by a short date. Of course, I'm still single, so. Phone is good, but keep it short. Email the ladies with something like: Can I give you a call and set up a date for us to meet in person? Otherwise, it often feels like a phone interview, which can be awkward. I would also keep the email exchanges to at the most before meeting, otherwise you end up wasting a lot of time with people who may never want to actually meet you in person, or who you might not like once you meet in person.
If you're the guy, she's waiting for you to ask her to meet her and may be sick of the long-winded emails too. I'm another internet dating success story--met my husband of almost 2 years online. First came love, then came marriage, then came baby in a baby carriage.
I have a very firm rule on this. After the initial email exchange I offer my mobile phone number and ask for their number and a good time to call. Dependent upon who I'm chatting to this is sometimes accompanied by a joke such as "this will allow me to figure out whether you're a psycho" or by something more warm-hearted such as "it'll be fun for us to hear each other laughing". There are several reasons to get straight onto the phone. The first is that it's far less easy for someone to fake a personality over the phone.
The immediacy of phone communications is better than email or chat for getting a sense of who someone really is.
Plus there are far fewer opportunities for ambiguity or crossed wires - you don't need emoticons on the phone. Secondly, if someone is serious about getting to know you, they'll give you their phone number. If they're not serious, you're probably wasting your time. Thirdly, once you have their mobile number, you can text them.
And texting offers a lot of opportunities for great flirtation. Personally I doubt the sanity of those who are willing to arrange a date with someone before they have even heard the other person's voice. There's not a great deal more risk in giving someone your number than there is in giving someone your IM or email address. Yet it's so much more personal and revealing to have a phone conversation.
I had a roommate who really clicked with a guy from a dating site well before they actually met in person. They quickly built a nice phone rapport - there were calls nearly every day, and she was all excited and happy. But it was around the holidays and they didn't have a chance to meet for perhaps three weeks. If you have been dating for a while, you can say: Just calling to tell you I love you! If you are in a new relationship, leave a more casual voicemail: I just wanted to see how you're doing!
Let her know the best time to call you back, so you don't wind up in a game of telephone tag: I'll be home from soccer practice at 7. Maybe talk to you then? Warm up with casual conversation. People are social animals and are hardwired to crave small talk with strangers.
Even superficial conversation can be meaningful in new relationships. Stick to easy topics that will put her at ease: Share a story from your day. Ask her about her favorite sports team. Talk about events at your school. Discuss a TV show or movie you have both seen.
If the conversation gets boring: Let her know you enjoy her conversation and her company. Without coming on too strong, say things that will encourage her to open up to you: You tell the best stories!
You are so easy to talk to. Let the conversation develop naturally. If you two have chemistry, small talk will flow into deeper conversation. Allow yourself to shift from casual banter to more personal subjects. Take advantage of openings that allow you to get to know each other better: I take guitar lessons too! Why did you pick guitar over all the other instruments in the world?
You get your license in three months? Where would you go if you had a car? School break is only two weeks away! Where are you going for the holidays? She will only be as honest and revealing as you are. Every time I see you my world lights up. You are the most beautiful girl in this city.
I feel like you understand me better than anyone else. Frame questions so your girlfriend feels free to elaborate, provide backstory, and express feelings. Be a good listener. Conversations are two-sided, and listening is as important as speaking. Pay attention to what she says, and wait until she has finished her thoughts to ask questions.
Encourage her to share more. How did that make you feel? Why do like In-N-Out milkshakes best? Avoid topics that stall conversation. Gauge her enthusiasm throughout the conversation. If she sounds excited about a topic, explore it more. Identify sensitive subjects as you get to know your girlfriend better and stay clear. You want your conversations to be positive experiences. Coming on too strong may scare her off.
Make plans about your future. Making plans together, whether for a night out or for a lifetime, creates closeness in a couple. Discuss where you would live and travel if you could go anywhere, what kind of dog you want, or what your dream home looks like. Have fun and use your imagination. Keep the conversation light and flirty: Tell your girlfriend how much you look forward to your adventures together.
End the conversation before you lose steam. It is always better to say goodbye while you still have things to stay to one another. You will look forward to your next conversation. Suggest what you can talk about on your next phone call. Tell her you enjoyed talking. Let her know she is special and you appreciate her conversation. She will be more inclined to call you if she knows you want to hear her voice.
I look forward to chatting with you soon! Make her smile when you say goodbye. Say something sweet just before you hang up that you know will make her happy. Share an inside joke, tease her with a nickname she likes, or compliment her so she blushes.
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