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He was asleep in my bed. I had my friend call me and feign a work emergency. He asked if he could just stay there while I dealt with the situation. I kicked him out of my apartment, apologized quickly, and ran aimlessly down the street in the other direction. He was 17 and friends with my very protective older cousins. Fast forward eight years later … I see him on Tinder and my year-old self is internally screaming.
I held my breath as I swiped right and we matched. After some catching up and relentless teasing about my infatuation with him when I was a kid, he asked me to dinner. We saw a movie, got sushi, talked, laughed and really hit it off all night.
He paid for everything and the conversation never dulled. He drove me home and said goodnight with an amazing kiss. Needless to say I was on cloud nine. Swipe right for everything. Get matched with someone I don't want to get matched with so I offer a movie date that my mom will pick us up and take us to. Gives me her address.
Adds me on Snapchat. Sends nudes and pics of her with her child. I was reluctant at first, but then the matches started rolling in.
I started talking to this really attractive guy who also seemed very sweet. We started to talk about setting up a date, but before I responded with my availabilities I coincidentally saw a tweet with a bunch of photos that looked really familiar. I deleted my Tinder for a while after that.
I had seen him around but I never worked up the courage to talk to him. I showed my friend his profile and she told me that he was the guy who sells her Adderall. I later found out he sold a multitude of other drugs and that he and his roommates had their apartment broken into and were held at gunpoint by other Philly drug dealers a few months back.
Needless to say I unmatched him. It was all fun and games until she came across this guy I had been seeing for several months. We thought it would be funny for her to swipe right and see what happened. They matched and I was pissed.
He later asked if I would have a threesome. I searched his name on Google and realized he actually was on the NFL team. I thought I was being catfished, but his verified Instagram account started following me and liked all my pictures my Instagram is linked to my Tinder. Talk about a touchdown. This one man, Alberto, really wanted to meet up and he kept asking me so I finally agreed to go out for some wine.
So naturally I called her out on it. She plopped the thing in the middle of the table, and it just kinda chilled out. I played with the chinchilla a bit, and she kinda got mad at me for playing with it and back in the purse it went. I brought up this lb.
He asked if the guy was named XXX. She only wanted to communicate through email or the dating site — which I thought was odd but just went with it. Thirty minutes into our date, I found out why…. He had loads of swords and machetes on the wall and decided to hold one to my throat to show me how incredibly strong they were. I arrived on the date, all happy, but realized that the girl who sat was a year old lady with two children and was just finding an excuse to leave her house.
I was a fan. When we meet up, the wit disappeared. I tossed her a couple of verbal jousts. It turns out her roommate had been helping her reply to messages.
Without asking, she reached over and started picking toppings of my pizza. I spent a week messaging a few girls and decided to meet the first of these girls to put my plan into action.
We ended up hitting it off and started dating exclusively. Four years later, and we are still dating. She completely ruined my plan. We went out a few times. A few weeks in, he told me I was almost perfect, except my upper arms were fat. I think he meant it as a compliment. It takes me an hour to drive there, and I arrive at the restaurant before she does a good thirty minutes before our date, so I could be prepared.