While the term has several meanings, the most frequent usage refers to two people exploring whether they are romantically or sexually compatible by participating in dates with the other. With the use of modern technology, people can date via telephone or computer or meet in person. Dating may medical students and dating involve two or more people who have already decided that they share romantic or sexual feelings toward each other. These people will have dates on a regular basis, and they may or may not be having sexual relations.
Most of their time is for studying alone in order to stay alive in their survival of the fittest kind of world AKA: So, never make them feel guilty for having to do so.
Remember that they are on their way in reaching their dreams and believe me, they would love to share it with someone special. And that someone is you. I doubt professional doctors know everything as well. And, you MUST listen. Worst comes to worst in the relationship, there will be times often that you will feel taken for granted. As early as now, I am telling you to drop it. Just imagine how toxic their life is right now, with tons of reports, exam weeks and rotations all at the same time.
It takes a lot of time on an ongoing basis to keep up with their materials, their tranxes and past-evaluations. You must be thankful enough for the limited time that they can offer.
You should also pursue your OWN career while being supportive. You cannot expect them as well to be there all the time to do stuff with you. You HAVE to have your own friends, hobbies and interests. You have to save your own sanity. Learn to suffice yourself. Doing so would cause too much despair on your part. Remember that your relationship is unique. Yes, it may seem like too much work on your end, but you should also recollect the efforts and sacrifices that your medical student partner is doing to keep the relationship on the ground.
Honestly, I once doubted our relationship. It was exhausting and everything suddenly felt like it was about to shatter. Finally, I caught a glimpse. She got her first choice! The rest of fourth year was like a vacation and we even got to take a real vacation to New Zealand. Then residency started and the reality sunk in. I knew that it would be difficult. I had heard all the stories.
But it was staggering how much she was at the hospital. When she finished med school she became a doctor and they were absolutely serious about that. They wasted no time putting her in with actual sick people and expected her to actually fix their problems — all of which was a shock to the system for her. On top of that there were the insanely long shifts, lasting weeks at a stretch and switching from days to nights with not nearly enough time to recover.
The ICU was the worst. This was a trying time in our relationship. She was never home and they were pulling her to the limit at work. I grabbed the first job that came along and was feeling isolated in a new city and unfulfilled at work. Between the two of us the signs of exhaustion and depression were starting to show. She needed our house to be a peaceful sanctuary away from work. Being a dude, I have a slightly lower standard of cleanliness than hers at the best of times.
Compound that with feelings of boredom and resentment towards the residency program. We had a couple major blowups in large part due to my inability to understand and express how everything was affecting me. Once we started communicating more, things got better again. Work eased up for her a bit, and I started a business degree and found a meaningful project to work on.
Learning to give each other a break was a big part of this, too. It took almost 18 months of residency to become comfortable in my new role as gourmet chef, designated shopper, occasional handyman, life coach, comforter, personal assistant, and fulltime listener.
It took her almost as long to fully understand my greatest satisfaction comes from her success, even if it means the hospital getting more time with her than I do. Being able to appreciate that we are both trying to do our best for each other and for ourselves has gone a long way towards strengthening our relationship. Kevin Dwyer is originally from Ann Arbor, Michigan. They now live in Madison, Wisconsin. Emily is in her second year of residency. Kevin is currently employed as an engineer and is the executive director of a public health nonprofit startup called Health Connect.
My husband and I met in high school got married semester break of senior year of college. So, went through med school, internship and residency, fellowship and 35 years of practice. Outstanding point of view — and an important one, since so many medical students are women these days. Thanks for sharing it, Kevin! We have all the same issues listed but with kids in tow, we found that living now and not putting things on hold marriage and kids in our case has helped us keep perspective and purpose.
My husband and I met when we were freshman in college and I have been there every step of the way. Residency was hard but prepared me for fellowship.
Understanding each other needs is so important. Loved hearing the guys perspective! Kevin, love hearing this from a male perspective! We have a bit in common!
I also met my husband online Match. I agree that many guys have different standards when it comes to house work. I know money is tight at that time of life, but the time it provides for your family to be together is far more valuable. During residency, I used to take our toddler in to the hospital cafeteria for dinner sometimes so we could be together. The things we do for love! Your email address will not be published. By Kevin Dwyer Three years ago I hit the jackpot.